Enhance Your Performance

Future NASCAR Hall-of-Famer (when Charlotte gets around to building it) Michael Waltrip has formally apologized for his use of fuel enhancers. On the same day, Barry Bonds signs a massive one-year contract with the Giants. I hope that the pitchers of the National (pure baseball) League band together to bean his melon fucking head every at-bat. Damage his fucking brain. Anyway, I'm thinking that this is going to lead to NASCAR being the most progressive of the professional sporting associations and elect him into their soon-to-be Hall of Fame. The very fact that I know who Michael Waltrip is confirms that he is a lock for the NASCAR hall. Will Major League Baseball take a cue from this and allow Pete Rose into theirs? Furthermore, once the current crop of miserable cheating fucks is exposed in its entirety, will the best of them be denied entry? What hack will replace Bud Selig and allow these people in? I bet I know who the next commissioner will be:

Brian Cashman

fuck.